imabitch: March 2006

Waking me up is hard, Shayna must agree.
She called thousand and one times this morning,
yet I still went back to sleep. As a result,
I was late, whats new anyways.

Met Evan, headed down to Safra Yishun
to watch the bowling tournament, in which
I was so engrossed, I totally ignored the
fact that Shayna was talking to me.

Followed the IJ bowlers back to school.
Shayna, Evan and I had ice balls, haha!
Walked to the interchange, lunched.
Evan left, walked to stadium with
that idiot, who left in cab after.

Sports Day, a pity it rained.
CCA race got cancelled as a result,
and it'll be postponed.

Okay okay I'm tired already, night.
ART is driving me insane!

I dont want to run away but I cant take it, I dont understand. Is there any way that I can stay in your heart?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away. And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. Cause I love you, whether its wrong or right. And though I cant be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side

Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts, we'll skip the goodbyes. If I had it my way, I'd turn the car around and runaway, just You and I.

It's been a couple of turbulent weeks.
It's been alot of ups and downs recently.
And if I really could, I'd love to start the entire year all over again. It strucked me how I have so many people I need to catch up with, or at least find out how they have been doing. I just hate it when friends drift. One minute your so close, and the next minute, you realise she's gone. It is starting to somehow seem like, somethings missing.

I wish I could tell myself to follow my heart, but then I dont trust what it'll say. I've been extremely upset lately, all I do is break down and cry. Everything's just a complete mess. I miss Bea and Belle, I have yet to meet up with Jasper, Evan, Gayle, Ally, Nat, Nora, Donn, Eliz, Vantng, Majo, Tat, etc. I miss those days spent with Ally, Nicolelim, Cherine, Bea, Sherlyn, Chow, Sheila etc, I wish we didnt have to drift.

I wish I could talk to someone about it, but honetly I dont know who I should be turning to. You know, I'm usually smiling and laughing away all the time, I act like I'm happy cos I've got everything I want, but the truth is, I dont have anything at all. In just a few days, I've cried more than I laughed. It's been the desperation of wanting to hold on to something so obviously gone, acting like I'm happy when I'm this far from it. It's been weeks of mistakes and weak cover-ups, regrets and hate.
I really wish I could talk to someone bout it, but I just have no idea how to put it across.

It's amazing how we've come this far, yet so much things have changed. It went by so fast, and I still have so much I'm holding onto. I looked, through the reflection I could see you sure were happy. It's been a long time since anyone seen you this happy, well I'm happy for you. I never did expect myself to like you this much, but I think I'm really starting to. Argh fuck just ignore me, I'm happy for you.

Remember me, I'm waiting here, the disappointed, hanger-on who stayed behind while youb have moved on. I wish you just knew, I wish you could just be a little more sensitive, I just wished you could.

So many things running through my head - Home, School, Studies, Friends, God, etc. Its hard managing all at the same time, I'm so tired, I'm on the verge of giving up already. I'm sick and tired of those tears, my eyes are heavy, I need to head for the bed badly.

I need to meet up with a few of my friends.
Perhaps, catch things up.
An outing soon please,
I miss you'll.

Hoho, BAK KU TEH! : )
I must admit it went pretty well!

Good job Shayna & Mandy!

And through those tears, I'll start to smile.
Thanks Ana for that sweet sms this morning!

Yesterday, met Chow in school after her lessons, to study.
Admist the few hours of studying, we decided to take a
break and play basketball, before studying again.

Left around 5 for lunch at Long Johns.
After which, we tried studying again,
but somehow, we just couldnt wait to
get out of Long Johns cos it was
freezing cold!

So much of time spent figuring where to go
and all, before we finally decided on my
place, where we did nothing but slack.

-

Today is going to be staying-at-home-and-studying day!
Just a reminder to self: Its five weeks
to Chinese Prelims and the Midyears,
and nine weeks to Chinese O's!

I need to loose weight, and grow taller.
I need to shake up those tired eyes, and study!
I need to stop being a pig, and sleeping away!
I need to head to the gym at least once a week,
and exerciseee! (besides training 3 times a wk)

I need to get my ass off this chair,
stop staring at this computer screen,
and start reading my books!

-

I dont wanna run away
but I can't take it,
I don't understand.

Its becoming a cycle,
repeating over and over again.
I'm so tired already.

I'm trying to, but I've lost it.
& for that,
I'm sorry.

Sorry, I dont deserve anyone.

The cycle keeps repeating.
I'm beginning to loose hope,
I'm beginning to loose confidence.
I have my doubts about friendships,
do they really exist in my life?

It's noone but me, the problem lies with me.
Another down, its too much for me to take.
I'm loosing it, I'm seriously loosing it.

Thanks Mel, Thanks Chow, Thanks Beanie, Thanks Sherlyn.
But I still dont deserve it, I dont.
I've lost it, til then I wish to
be left alone for awhile,
I'm really tired.

I've thought about it, and I am
pretty sure of how I'm feeling.
BUT I guess, its all just left
for me to know.

If only you could perhaps, be
a little more sensitive.

And yes, whats new?
I broke down during tuition earlier.
Thanks Beanie, Thanks Sherlyn, Thanks Ana.

Mel, I wish I could be the happy,
cheerful me all the time too. However,
behind it all, I'm just an ordinary
girl overwhelmed with emotions.

I'm sick and tired of hiding
behind this mask, I really am.

My eyes are heavy, night.

Someone just slap me, I've been sleeping so early the past two nights! As a result, I'm up early! - I shall study : )

Yesterday - World Down Sydrome Day,
Ms Tan approached me to help her tourguide
this two Australians around the school, I
agreed.

Highlights of yesterday:
- Chow and I ended up as tourguides and according
to Ms Tan, we were the first students to step
into the Heritage Galley which was so lovely!

- I finally passed my chinese 28/52

- And, well believe it or not, I passed my
Chinese (PRELIM) Orals 20/40

Thats definitely something to be proud of : )

- Plus, I studied at Long Johns after school
with Chow, GuanYu and Eliz, who was in her CJ
uniform! Haha, it was good! : )

-

See, moving on just isn't working
You lit the fire that I'm burning
And all I can do is protect it
A life for the sake of my pride
While all the others had me thinking
we could be more than just amazing

Cos everything aint the same w/o you.
I hope you're doing good.

-

my heads spinning, night!

The whole of last night was spent with Shayna,
Jer, Natlong, Celeste, Jiazhi, and Avis.

What more can I possibly say,
they were good company!
All the jokes.

I am proud to annouce:
I finally packed my room!
Its so neat now, I'm not used to it.
Lets see what mom has to say when
she sees my newly packed room
tmr morning! : )

Alright, spent the last few hours
on my room. So glad I'm finally done
with it. Which also means, its time
for bed cos I'm extremely tired!
NIGHT.

-

I can't handle this confusion

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside, all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do if you knew
What would you do?

~~I miss you~~
I guess you alr know.

How can I adjust to the way that things are going, It's killing me slowly and I just want things to be how it used to be.

Through my smile, I cry

Chinese - I didnt like the way laoshi
was looking at me, I sense something
bad. On a brighter note, It's over!
Perhaps, I should start focusing
on paper one and two instead.

And so with Chinese Prelims/O's and
the mid years coming up, things are
definitely starting to look up.

As it is, deadline for Art is drawing closer
and believe me, it is a killer.

For now,
I shall be mommy's good girl
and pack the mess in my room.
Afterwhich, STUDY!
Its high time I
start hitting my
books.

Trust me, things are going to be
different the minute term 2 begins.
Last few months in IJ before the O's,
I'd better be putting it to good use.

In order for me to do so, I'd have
to get rid a few of my worse habits:
- PROCRASTINATING
- Sleeping in class
- Going online for no reason
- and perhaps, my very poor time management

Which reminds me, its high time I started
planning a home timetable for myself!
Its gonna be home straight after
lunch everyday on the days I dont
have trainings.

Its through challenges/competitions,
I work best in.

-

If only I had the ability to make
things better, I swear I would.

But our conversations have run dry.

There's nothing more to talk about.
I'll keep you close to my heart.
All the memories of you,
and things we used to do.

Chinese Prelims (ORAL) is tmr.

Its been a night spent on chinese,
with mom and tuition friends helping
me through it, hows that?

I went shopping today, even
though I knew I was broke.
As it is, I somehow managed
to get this pair of VANS shoes
that I was eyeing on. : )

I think I'm becoming a shopaholic!
Adding to that - I'm turning into a
bimbo, this is bad.

Ask my friends, they'd know why.
From handbags to accessories,
to clothings etc.

Green birkens soon, I suppose.

So I guess this is GOODBYE.

Even though I try so hard,
I can never be good enough.

I'm so tired,
just trying to tolerate
your sudden moodswings.

It's so difficult,
just being your friend.

But, I'll still be here whenever you need someone.

-

SHOPPING, here I come!

I can't believe I lost my
whole packet of tongue studs
that was in my wallet!

What made me more pissed was
the fact that my fav pendant
which Shayna and Pearl gave me
for my birthday last year, with
my name engraved on it, was in
the same packet as well!

ARGH!
I'm not in the mood for
anything now la.

Today was spent at FIESTA at sngs
together with Claire and Dhini.
The haunted house, together with
Claire's cj friends was best.
You should have been there to
watch Claire, Dhini and I.
Hahahaha.

Claire's friends made it much
better, just by being retarded.
Made us laugh the shit out of
ourselves, I swear! Haha.

Met Debbie and the guys there as
well. The silly guys were playing
arcade, so Debbie decided to follow
Claire, do their nails and some
temporary tatoo.

So that leaves Dhini, Claire, Debbie
and I with butterfly tattoos : )
Claire with glittery nails, and
Debbie with brown, purple and
gittery nails, which Debbie says
reminds her of a child playing
with nailpolish. Hahahahha!

Walked over to Claire's place
after, man it's been such a
long time since I last hanged
out with her. MIssed that one
like anything, it was good
catching up though.

In our attempt to walk MISS BEANIE all
the way to the Novena Control Station
after tuition (when we could just take
a direct bus from United Square),
Shayna and I:

- had to walk beanie to the control station
(where she headed for her home sweet home)

- we walked out of Novena Square towards
Novena Church

- jay walked across the road, where
I almost got knocked down by a car

- at the bus stop, where we waited
for bus 166 which practically took
forever to arrive

- and even when it came, it was so
crowded, we decided to wait for the
next 166 (and mind you, Beanie was
alr home then, nicely watching her
channel 8 programme!)

- again, the bus was taking forever
to come, we started getting impatient

- decided to take 54, which took us
to the old Thomson site where there
would be more buses home.

- Thomson site busstop was freaky,
quiet, lonely and deserted.

- That idiot didnt make things any
better by scaring me with the Indian
man across the road

- The stupid leaf falling onto the
ground which almost made me scream
my lungs out, i'm serious.

- two of us spent most of the time
there, practically laughing our
asses off til 132 came, and Idiot
flagged for it

- It stopped for less than a second
before it drove off again, how
frustrating!

- idiot almost took a cab, but we
decided to wait for the next bus
instead.

- 166 came next, boarded it.
All the way to AMK, where idiot
decided to be nice and wait for
bus 132 with me.

- okay it came, i got so "excited"
i tripped and fell off the steps,
right in front of the bus, with
so many people both inside and
outside, watching

- was so embarrassed, decided
not to board the bus, but wait
for the next bus.

- time I reached home: 11:15PM

Oh yes BEANIE!
You'd better be touched.
All the things I do for you.

I'm falling into memories of you
Things we used to do
Follow me there, a
beautiful somewhere
A place that I can
share with you.

Would you like to follow me,
watch the stars tonight?
I'm in the mood for it.

Argh fuck, I'm stressed.

I know I'll never brave enough to say,
a simple I LOVE YOU.

All I ask is, you'd give me more of your time.
To understand me rather than to judge me.
Cos seriously, I think I've got enough.
For the past few years, I've been trying.
As a daughter, I wanted so badly to
achieve something so you could be
happy, and proud of me.

But no, even with the results I
achieved, you were never happy
with me! Why?
Why can't you just be a
little more supportive?

I'm very very tired of being
treated like shit all the time.
Everything I do is wrong,
everything I do, you'd have
something to say.

Everything and anything that goes
wrong at home is also my fault!
Just everything, EVERYTHING!

And what makes it worse is,
you tell me I get my bad influence
from my friends. ARGH FUCK YOU.
Ask yourself, do you even
know when I'm down, do you
even know when I need some
one to lean on, to cry on,
to talk to, DO YOU KNOW?
NO! You fucking dont know,
and to think you're my
family member. Shouldnt
you be ashamed?

My friends, they're there
when I need them, they
make me so happy, I know
I can count on them.
So STOP it with my friends,
when you dont make it a point
to even get to know them,
or rather, when you dont even
know them.

I just ask of you, to just respect
me, my friends, my life.
Is that so difficult?
I know you might think
art is a waste of time,
but its my talent, its
my interest, I have a
love for it, why can't
I further my studies
on it? You may not like
it, but I do. I DO!

You think I love coming
home, knowing how your
words hurt me so much?
Seeing your fucked up
face? Why do you think
I come home late almost
every single day?

So now, not until you start respecting
me, my friends, my life etc, dont expect
me to start respecting you.

I'm telling you, I've tried.
I've got enough from you.
I've tried, but you're
never happy, never
contented.

But from the bottom of my heart,
I still love you.

-

Emotionally unstable, as you would call it.
I can just break down anytime, anywhere.
I thank God for friends.
I dont know what I'd do
w/o them, seriously.

All I need right now, is a heart-to-heart talk with someone
and drinks to go along with it too.
And maybe I would start understanding,
or rather accepting, some of the things
that is happening now.

My eyes are heavy.
Goodnight.

Lets start with some pictures:

I miss confirmation 2004.
A post confirmation camp soon please?

It suddenly strucked me how we've stepped
into the third month of the year already.

Honestly, I cannot say how true it is
that time is flying by so quickly.

I guess this year's all about pushing myself.

IJ, We did it again : )
43 : 22 against Zhonghua
I'm so proud of us all.

Just something taken from this basketball
magazine Jiaolian lent me:
A positive and humble attitude
is the difference between a
good sportsman and an excellent
sportsman. If conflicts arise in
the team, it may be because one
party wants the ball so much that
he forgets about the others.

Try out new moves when you are
young and dont let fear hold you
back, naturally not at the expense
of any crucial team games or tournaments.
Your confidence will gradually build up
over the years.

I love the team - The IJ TEAM : D

-

Alright,
schedule for O's are out.
Papers are starting on the 1st on Nov.
TIME I STARTED STUDYING!

imabitch

Friday, March 31, 2006

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Friday, March 24, 2006

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Monday, March 20, 2006

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Friday, March 03, 2006

Thursday, March 02, 2006

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